Yes, we dug deep into the thesaurus for that one. Tonight we celebrate our 44th episode and our 44th President. Obama is leaving us. What do you say to an outgoing president? “Bye” seems a bit nonchalant. We need a farewell message with more chalance. “Later, buddy” is sort of a disrespectful thing to say to a grown man you don’t know very well who wears suits. “Don’t let the door hitcha where the good lord splitcha” defies the whole “separation of church and state” decree which we aaaalllll know is soooooo consistently honored so can’t use that. Whatever we come up with, for this particular president, we’d like his response to be “Not to worry, I’ll be right Barack.”
Eight years of hope, honesty and integrity are coming to an end. He tried to end wars that he didn’t start, tried to prove that, yes, an American president should be able to form a sentence, but alas, in democracies, the people get the government they deserve. So if Trump becomes president then that means we are a terrible nation. We will be the first government in history to have as its leader a former mean-spirited reality show host. Which I think that will make harder to tease the French about their….Frenchness. What will a Trump presidency look like? We don’t know. But we’re guessing breast implants will awarded to all decent-looking to hot cabinet members.
But, really, is it as bad as it looks? Yes, I just said that it is. Please try to keep up.
Are we going to to follow our comrades in North Korea and opt for a hereditary executive (Chelsea 2024!)? Or is it an Orwellian reality show of reality with Trump our Apprentice king? A few short months -and many billions of dollars that could be spent to vastly improve the lives of millions of hungry and homeless people around the world but will instead be used to massage one person’s ego- will tell.
Moving beyond politics, almost, Doug will discuss the phenomenon of why so few women would vote for Trump but so many would marry him (Donald, baby, I am now to get passport, yes?) Also, the strange fact that if he becomes President, Melania Knauss (nee Melanija Knavs) will be the only First Lady (and only person since 1945 or maybe ever) to have had her name GERMANIZED. Sorry, Hannah Van Buren.
Moving beyond that, Fish Burps will discuss its recent salon “day” (by which they mean “just under an hour”), the non-English speaking and probable human-trafficking victims who thought them hilarious, the party that followed, the show about those things and the book about the show about those things.
The program features humor (hopefully), adult language (definitely), intervals of Dan & Doug loving and/or hating one another, complaining, adult themes, adults discussing TV show theme songs, and Sara rethinking her decision to be a part of this. Listener discretion advised. But, jeez, we’re not your mom. Live your life.
Two life long friends, Dan & Doug, who can barely stand one another wax moronic about their lives, the world and other pointless endeavors. Doug & Dan almost never agree on anything but one of them is always right. Through their very different lenses they will dissect everything and try to figure out what the hell is going on, as if it matters. There will be lively conversations about many topics (TBA), arguments, tiffs, petty bickering, friendship, special guests, not so special guests, intelligence and stupidity. Plus, Sara DeForest. Sara joined the podcast because Dan and Doug wanted a mediator. Turns out that she is more of an instigator, teaming up with one host or the other and encouraging more bickering. Sara also offers a “fresh” perspective, meaning that she hasn’t seen MAS*H and is the target for Dan & Doug’s complaints about Millennials. But don’t worry, she doesn’t regret her decision to join the podcast at all. As their fan base grows, so will their power and influence. This will ultimately lead to an enormous fight [hopefully] on air about how to use their new found cache of cultural importance. Sara will use her power to eliminate “throat fry’ in Millennial women, and god bless her for doing so. Doug will want to use it to get more beer; Dan will want to use it to find the absolutely best pair of pants for his body type. Have a listen before things go horribly wrong.